Thursday, January 26, 2012

There's NO way I'm not bleeding...

I will start this pseudo rant with a warning: I just made a shake and it did NOT turn out as awesome as I wanted it to be.  I am drinking it anyways because it has all of the things I need to ingest right now but I'm far from happy about it.  ALSO...I just ran a 5k all out in nature and stuff so I'm sweaty and dirty and sitting in my leather man chair.  Lets manifest a guess as to what the sweat stain that is to be left on the seat of my favorite piece of furniture when I stand up will resemble...only if it is a perfect replica of Joe Manganiello will I not be upset.

So I fell off the side of the earth not too long ago.  It turns out when you move north for a better job opportunity and better income they actually EXPECT you to earn it.  Here I thought I could just get by on my quick wit and tall stature (I'm told that's why I was hired).  I haven't had a day off in several weeks and I honestly couldn't tell you what day today is much less what I did on Saturday. 

That being said many aspects of my life have suffered.  My laundry is now a 5-1 ratio of dirty to clean, there is something in my trash that requires the attention of Baltimore County Homicide, I have been using toilet paper as paper towels,  I am almost positive I have built up an adequate immunity to both salmonella and trichinosis and MOST importantly I have GREATLY allowed my physical training  to spiral're welcome America...anything ELSE you want me to sacrifice for the betterment of your fighting forces? (for the record I do love my job but don't tell anyone)

I decided yesterday that enough was enough.  I would no longer stand by and watch my traps disintegrate...this aggression against myself would no longer be tolerated.  It would instead be replaced with pure unadulterated bad ideas of things to do with weights and ropes and bars and stuff.  I thought about it.  I thought about things I hate.  I thought about democrats, and  dead lifts and nickleback, ochra and double unders and rowing and came up with this ridiculous idea:

row 1k - 185# DL X12 - 15 pull-ups - 25 DU's
row 1 k - 200# DL X 10 - 15 PU - 25 DU's
row 1 k - 225# DL X 10 - 15 PU - 25 DU's
row 1K - 285# DL X 6 - 15 PU - 25 DU's
row 1K - 300# DL X 2 - 15 PU - 25 DU's

now usually...and those who are the kind of people who write down workouts and carry them on whatever random piece of paper they had available to the gym to transfer them onto a white board, can attest to this.  NORMALLY they never look all that hard on paper.  take the infamous "Fran" for example.  21-15-9 thrusters and pull ups.  Easy enough how can something that takes up less than half of a line of paper hurt.  Well as those who know know...she's a whore.  MY POINT: EVEN ON PAPER THIS LOOKED WHORE-ID.  I knew when I kept putting off starting that I was going to need Jesus or Joe Manganiello to finish this (just Google his images you'll understand).  About half way through my third 1k row I started to taste what in my head I was convinced was blood.  In my head my voice went something like this "holy-shit-youre-actually-internally-bleeding-to-the-point-that-its-seeping-up-into-your-mouth-and-you-are-swallowing-it-to-re-mix-back-with-the-blood-that-is-seeping-out-of-where-ever-you-are-bleeding-from-interanlly-you-shoudl-really-call-for-help-or-call-your-sister-she-is-a-nurse-or-something-in-the-ER-maybe-she-can-get-you-in-quicker-so-you-dont-rupture-anything-else-you-are-really-bleeding-internally-i-can-taste-it"

People didn't check on me which was disheartening but I guess by now they know better.  I have done some dumb things at Globo The Remix so nice to know they are finally used to it but still...a little concern is ok sometimes, especially if my face reflects that of someone whose  liver just fell out of their butt.


  1. My liver just fell out of my butt, in pure joy. Not about the bleeding part, but because you are not dead. Troof!

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