HOLY effing ess my body hates me...or MMKN I hate my body I haven’t quite decided. I was forced, due to Mother Nature’s sense of humor, to spend a lot time on my mountain bike this weekend. I no longer have a drive way. It is a burial ground for dead trees and leaves and branches and I can’t WAIT to pop a tire on a GIANT log that hasn't quite been cleared all the way from my drive path. In my infinite...yes it is in fact infinite ask around people can confirm...I didn’t feel like making an effort to find my padded shorts so I decided that I would be fine "free balling" (technical term) it. well ladies and gentlemen let me advise you...if you would like your lady parts to cooperate with you the following day...make the effort...find the damned padded shorts. I believe in total I rode 600 miles this weekend give or take a mile or two. Distance can’t be measured exactly when you’re as good at riding as I am...I mean to be able to take into account all the distance skipped while I’m flailing through the air in a terrified fury. You also have to attempt to subtract the distance that is covered twice...once in the FIRST go at a climb or steep hill then after I fall off and have to walk my bike up again...it’s like double jeopardy...that distance only counts once. Another thing that is less than genius that I realize I do is when I bail from my bike, I jump off the back (nope I sure don’t clip in I’m terrified of being attached to my death machine!!) and the death pedals hit me in the back of my legs so I walk around PREEEEETTY much looking like someone that doesn’t like me has been hitting me with sticks. I tell ya what tho…biking whips my$$ every time. You want to hurt your heart and seriously make yourself feel like the least in shape person around…go get on a mountain bike…unless you’re really good at mountain biking then go run a half mary.
Now onto more interesting / personal things….I took a trip to the GYN yesterday evening HOORAY!!!! Aren’t you glad you read my blog??? Some of you received the text with the rapport between myself and the doc when I first got there…I won’t be so brazen as to put that on the internet, but let it be known that I forget people don’t know my nor my humor so where as I thought it was hilarious…the doc did not find me amusing and I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a lady of the evening. As I was sitting there in my awesome gown I saw a poster on the wall asking me to “like” the clinic on Facebook. WHY ON EARTH would I want to “like” my gynecologist on Facebook…of what social use is that to me? How does that benefit my inter personal relations “OMG LOL you like women’s health center of Stafford ME TOO!!!!! Doesn’t Dr. Ottman have the warmest hands!!!” get outta here with that noise.
Today I have a dastardly plan…its really early so at this juncture I still have the energy to complete it but I can almost bank on the fact that TCAC will de-motivate me and once again force to have the Devil hold my car keys hostage until I do all of my workout but here it is:
RUN!!! 5 miles
(Sorry Sarah I did NOT do the smoking gun yesterday as I was a lazy pants)
7 rounds of:
4 burpee dead lift, 3 burpee hang cleans, 2 burpee squat cleans, 1 burpee squat clean and jerk
TRX wall walks…oh that’s right things just got real…REAL stupid!!! We thought regular wall walks were a biya wait until you take the stability out of the picture…sorry Globs I’m puking today!!!
Death by Kettle bells…warrior snatches!!!! AMSAP (as many swings as possible) every 1 seconds for 5 minutes…15 secs on 15 secs off.
I am formerly requesting that you all go on my Mini’s FB page and tell her how awesome she did this weekend. She competed in her VERY first CF competition and not only did she LOOK bad-ass she did amazing!!! I’ve never been prouder of someone I have ABSO no blood ties to...that little chick makes me effing :D.
*********TIP O THE DAY************
Coconut milk in coffee…look into it…I mean…I am addicted to powdered Coffee Mate so I won’t be taking my own advice but ya know…its looks good on paper if I promote healthy substitutions.