Oh America...your Social networking amuses me....

HOLY effing ess my body hates me...or MMKN I hate my body I haven’t quite decided.  I was forced, due to Mother Nature’s sense of humor, to spend a lot time on my mountain bike this weekend.  I no longer have a drive way.  It is a burial ground for dead trees and leaves and branches and I can’t WAIT to pop a tire on a GIANT log that hasn't quite been cleared all the way from my drive path.  In my infinite...yes it is in fact infinite ask around people can confirm...I didn’t feel like making an effort to find my padded shorts so I decided that I would be fine "free balling" (technical term) it.  well ladies and gentlemen let me advise you...if you would like your lady parts to cooperate with you the following day...make the effort...find the damned padded shorts.  I believe in total I rode 600 miles this weekend give or take a mile or two.  Distance can’t be measured exactly when you’re as good at riding as I am...I mean to be able to take into account all the distance skipped while I’m flailing through the air in a terrified fury.  You also have to attempt to subtract the distance that is covered twice...once in the FIRST go at a climb or steep hill then after I fall off and have to walk my bike up again...it’s like double jeopardy...that distance only counts once.  Another thing that is less than genius that I realize I do is when I bail from my bike, I jump off the back (nope I sure don’t clip in I’m terrified of being attached to my death machine!!) and the death pedals hit me in the back of my legs so I walk around PREEEEETTY much looking like someone that doesn’t like me has been hitting me with sticks.  I tell ya what tho…biking whips my$$ every time. You want to hurt your heart and seriously make yourself feel like the least in shape person around…go get on a mountain bike…unless you’re really good at mountain biking then go run a half mary.

Now onto more interesting / personal things….I took a trip to the GYN yesterday evening HOORAY!!!! Aren’t you glad you read my blog??? Some of you received the text with the rapport between myself and the doc when I first got there…I won’t be so brazen as to put that on the internet, but let it be known that I forget people don’t know my nor my humor so where as I thought it was hilarious…the doc did not find me amusing and I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a lady of the evening.   As I was sitting there in my awesome gown I saw a poster on the wall asking me to “like” the clinic on Facebook.  WHY ON EARTH would I want to “like” my gynecologist on Facebook…of what social use is that to me?  How does that benefit my inter personal relations “OMG LOL you like women’s health center of Stafford ME TOO!!!!! Doesn’t Dr. Ottman have the warmest hands!!!” get outta here with that noise. 

Today I have a dastardly plan…its really early so at this juncture I still have the energy to complete it but I can almost bank on the fact that TCAC will de-motivate me and once again force to have the Devil hold my car keys hostage until I do all of my workout but here it is:

RUN!!! 5 miles

(Sorry Sarah I did NOT do the smoking gun yesterday as I was a lazy pants)

7 rounds of:

4 burpee dead lift, 3 burpee hang cleans, 2 burpee squat cleans, 1 burpee squat clean and jerk

TRX wall walks…oh that’s right things just got real…REAL stupid!!! We thought regular wall walks were a biya wait until you take the stability out of the picture…sorry Globs I’m puking today!!!

Death by Kettle bells…warrior snatches!!!! AMSAP (as many swings as possible) every 1 seconds for 5 minutes…15 secs on 15 secs off.

I am formerly requesting that you all go on my Mini’s FB page and tell her how awesome she did this weekend.  She competed in her VERY first CF competition and not only did she LOOK bad-ass she did amazing!!! I’ve never been prouder of someone I have ABSO no blood ties to...that little chick makes me effing :D.

*********TIP O THE DAY************

Coconut milk in coffee…look into it…I mean…I am addicted to powdered Coffee Mate so I won’t be taking my own advice but ya know…its looks good on paper if I promote healthy substitutions.

The Devil Wears Pink

So I made a deal with the devil this afternoon.  The devil happens to be this incredibly hot red head-ed number (no I'm not homosexual she's just way hot) who sells memberships at my globo.  She brought it to my attention, in a very pointed manner, that my blog breaks up the monotony of her day and I hadn't blogged in 6...no sorry I was corrected...SEVEN (you can't caps lock numbers so you have to type them out to get the emphatic effect) days .  I told her that I would write tonight.  She made me promise to follow through (apparently she knows about my affinity  for procrastination and aimless staring).  I agreed that if I did NOT in fact post something by COB today she was permitted no suspend my gym privies until I put words on paper...or screen...whatever.  So my hand was forced today lucky for you I have a few things I can think of to talk about.

First thing:  I, Katya J. McCabe, rode my very first full length Earth Rodeo this afternoon.   The VA area was hit with its, I am going to go ahead and claim this next statement as fact, FIRST ever earthquake.  In my OBVI well trained for such an event state, (while others ducked under desks and ran outside...not sure why they did that I think you are supposed to get in the tub or something) I simply put my food on the floor as I did not want it to spill.  In hind sight probs not the most effective course of action but we can all now see where my priorities lie in moments of danger.  My second instinct was to text the devil and ask her if the gym was being lame and closing to which she replied "Hell NO!" good answer Diabla good answer.

Second thing:  My work out today was aiiiiiiight...not as AMAZING as the one I had Sunday but Sunday was an exceptional day.   I was motivated by good old fashioned femme on femme competition Sunday and that can't be replicated on one's own.  There is nothing  like doing pull-ups in front of broads who look at you sideways  with an overly tanned faces that just SCREAM  "who does SHE think she is?".  Imma show you EXACTLY who I am honey.  Anyways...today was 50# vest on the SM then wall walks (10) hang cleans (10) one armed KB snatches (10 each arm) push press (10) X 5...and go.  Felt good shoulders were screaming at me which means it worked.  I had one of those workouts where there were new people in the gym and I could tell they were conversing about what the hell i was doing when performing the wall walks so I muted my iPod just to make sure.  Sure enough they were trying to figure out what body part was being exercised by walking on a wall...all of them gentlemen...all of them.

Third thing:  So I paid this chick to pour acid on my face today in hopes that it would make me look awesome...it worked I look REALLY awesome right now.  Tomorrow I will resemble a lizard and by Thursday my face will molt and I will scare children and democrats (who are we kidding I scare democrats daily) ahh the things that I do in order to refuse to age.   This ritual i kind of blame on my mom.  She got me started in this process the summer before 6th grade and well...I have been neurotic about my skin ever since...yea I know it sounds crazy to have your 12 year old get chemical peels but my mom is well...fancy.

************* tip o the day***********

if your big toenail has turned black and is about to fall off...sephora by OPI in "shopping frenzy" will cover that hot mess right up...ignore it and it will go away....until it falls off in your shoe.

AirForce 1...2...3...4....ok stop

I JUST DELETED THE WHOLE POST!!!!!! WHYYYYYYY this is not real...i had like 4 paragraphs composed and just LITERALLY turned all of the words into SIMPLY the letter "a" I hate technology and myself right now.

SO I was talking to my girl Margo the Great yesterday and I had thought of something to write about today that at the time I thought "I don’t need to write this idea down I will OBVI be able to remember it as it is genius."  I forgot what it was.

Well let’s see what can I talk about instead?

I supposed my workout will suffice.  I came across this WOD while looking for shirts the other day.  I realized Saturday, while trying to create a look for my evening outing with an old friend from DLI, that I had no normal clothes.  98% of my clothing has been engineered to  either: dry quickly with wicking, keep me cool, keep me warm, not bunch up, move well, move quickly, be breathable and all in all promote physical activity.  I realize that I dress constantly in preparation to be attacked...who wears ENGINEERED clothing. I needed to dress like a normal person and was at a loss.  SO I went online window shopping and stumbled on a WOD…I can’t focus on things for too long OBVI.

It’s called the “AirForceWOD” sounds easy enough I mean I was a marine I can do all things air force right? HAHAHAHAHAH riiiiiiiiiight this thing hurt my feelings and its still under debate as to whether I actually HAVE those things or not. 

With ONLY 65# complete the following for time:

20 thrusters

20 SDLHP

20 Front squats

20 OHS

20 Push Jerks

Every minute on the minute that it takes you to do this you have to do 4 burpees….which means  if you are doing your 20 thrusters and the clock hits 1:59 you had better drop and get your 4 burpees in…I am ALMOST positive that there was a point where the 4 burpees TOOK me a minute to complete.  I really sucked at this workout I have no idea why…I blame the fact that I ate a lot of banana bread on Sunday and didn’t drink enough water…it can’t POSSIBLY be that it was hard.

I made Sarah do it (I always make her do terrible things its payback for not running my life the way she is supposed to be) and she did an awesome job in 12 minutes.  Some dude in some video did it in less than 4 minutes and I wanted to smash his face in with my foot but again I think I was just jealous. 

Getting yourself back to where you want to be or where you “used” to be is SOOOO annoying.  Why am I not there already?  I have been working at it for 2 days, I should be as good as I once was by now.  I have no idea why it doesn’t work that way but I think, as an instant gratification kind of chick, I struggle with slow progression and building strength, endurance, flexibility and speed are 4 of the 5 hardest things in the world to build next to pyramids or maybe dams…I feel like dams are hard to build.

*********TIP OFTHE DAY*************

Spaghetti Squash….srsly look into it.  If you LOVE pasta but are aware of its impact on your glycemic levels then spaghetti squash is your friend…your BEST friend…like…the friend that will tell you when your hair looks ridiculous or there is something in your teeth.

Part Deux

OK…so where are we…did we make it to VT? If not let’s just say that we did.  The car ride was OBVI amazaballs as we had been drinking and commiseration is WAY funnier with beers than without.  I feel obligated to mention we did NOT have travelers and Margaret “hard to catch” Schlachter was as sober as Jesus on a Thursday.  Again there was singing and comedy at the expense of everyone else NOT in the Subaru and by the time we reached Killington we were ready to get settled and were QUICKLY reminded…OH yea we have a race tomorrow….SHIT… 

Before the race the Chicked Army, a group of founding bravo alpha femme bots from across this country and that one right above us, was required to arrive 2 hours before our heat to conduct really articulate and focused interviews.  I mean we did a really good job…I am completely positive I talked with my hands and evaded the questions but Logan knows that’s how I roll. 

Did I mention how REALLY prepared we were? Knowing full well we were going to be on the run for 4-6 hours we brought with us no food, no water, no electrolytes, no gum, nada.  No one has EVER accused me of being smart.  They racers were called to the start and the minutes counted down…the PFT stomach cramps (Sarah knows what I’m talking about) were in FULL effect and the countdown to start sounded off. 

In my head as USUAL I was thinking “I mean really how hard can this ACTUALLY BE…I mean I have been to war and shit I’m like tough or something I have choked full grown men out in bars in Carlsbad before defending my friends honor..What’s a little jog up a hill?”  Those of you who followed my Death Race training blog know that I am not smart and I do DUMB things on the regular.  Uhhh….so off we went…at a 38.5% incline for about a mile to reach 4668ft elevation.  I have been told that I wear my emotions on my face and Carrie later told me that my face was saying “Get the F*** out of my FACE with this!” (there is a chick walking in front of my window and her calves are bigger than her quads…its weird)

This race was EPIC to say the least.  The first few miles were tough and really set the tone for the rest of the race.  Once we had gotten through the first three miles Adams says to the rest of the group “So we are committed now to finishing!”  Eff off Shawty I will quit at WILL!  No one bosses me!!! We pushed through.  We OBVI sent MarShlac WELL on her way early at the start line, as she was our sleeper and we knew she was going to DISRESEPCT the mountain.  We each had our strengths and they complimented the weaknesses of the others.  Carrie is a mountain goat going downhill, Monica was a ghost in the water, Alyssa had a great running pace and I can carry heavy crap and climb things. 

Thanks to some well timed thermogenics the race seemed to get easier as we progressed and moved through the brush, carried sand bags, climbed ropes, swam lakes, pulled cinder blocks, balanced on stumps, hiked mountains…a lot, laughed,  bouldered, slid back down the mountains we hiked, jumped, cussed,  and basically traversed for 12 miles through the Green Mountains.  This was a GOOD race…I mean a DAMN GOOD RACE!  I would feel comfortable saying that if you took the Death Race and evaporated all the water and condensed it…you would have the Beast.

We crossed the finish line in the same manner as we left it 6 hours earlier…together. Be barricaded through Gladiators and cart wheeled across the line only to find out that our dark horse had in FACT done what we had expected and won third place over all for the women…EFFING A RIGHT MAR-MAR (yes I plan on changing her nick name every time I write it) She was amazing she worked hard and deserved that victory and we all deserved to celebrate her accomplishment…she stepped in that races business and hurt its feelings!

After the race we showered and went for dead cows and beers to pre-game for the evening celebration at pickles.  We got a little inebriated, told everyone the stories congratulated Schlach-take no shalack –ter, napped then headed out to meet the rest of the racers. 

People kept asking me to dance…Obviously these people are not smart nor had they run The Beast…again beer was present and good times were had.  Back to The Killington Mountain school (our residence for the weekend) to sleep and awaked 4 hours later to trek home.  A failed alarm clock caused our ride to be late and since we were on a VERY strict time schedule we had to motor so we poured into the Subaru and drove BACK to Redhook to retrieve the Jetta and drive like Ninjas the HELL out of there (undetected) WE MADE it back, I slept for 12 hours and don’t regret one second.  I wouldn’t change a THING about that weekend it was the perfect balance of calm amidst chaos and all of the chicked army demonstrated their ability to rise above the rubble and GET ISH DONE!!! Until next time ladies…see you are the Super!!!

FIN

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly part 1

So I realize that I have been neglecting my blog but it has been for a REALLY good reason.  I have been in a rando life rut the last two weeks but I am HERE to tell you…this weekend ripped me STRAIGHT out of it.  The following NOVEL will be a depiction (to my best recollection) of the events that took place this weekend.  You are to decide which parts are the good which are the bad and which are the ugly…

 Dude…I srsly have no idea where to begin with this weekend.  Carrie Adams (Ms Adams if you’re nasty) flew into my AO at approx. 7pm Thursday evening after a failed alarm (you will find that alarm clocks made valiant efforts to ruin our plans throughout the weekend but we prevailed…for the most part) had her miss her flight…yup things started out smoothly.  I conducted a smash and grab op from Reagan National Airport and we were on our way scarfing down ground turkey and spinach and spaghetti squash with a jar of almond butter in the Jetta speeding (safely?) up I95 en route to the BK.

The drive north went off without a hitch other than my lack of cash for ANY tolls on the NJT and the fact that I MAY or may not have had several moments where I wanted to JDAM the Holland Tunnel and all the people that had a blatant disregard for my personal safety and cared less that I have a concealed weapons permit and a Springfield XD .40 cal subcompact…just saying…

Carrie and I arrived at the bed down location of one Maurya Scanlon at approximately 11pm.  She lead us to our sleeping quarters for the evening and we debriefed, hot washed and conducted minor mission planning for the next day…then POOF we were asleep.

Again a failed alarm tried to cause Mscan to be late for work.  Luckily I have to pee a lot, all the time so I was awoken by my bladder with enough time to get her out of bed and ready for work on-time-ish.  A few hours later after figuring out how to create a coffee like beverage in the city apartment and making ourselves SOMEwhat presentable Carrie and I ventured out to South BK to visit Shane at CrossFit South Brooklyn.  Dude…I am here to tell you that guy is EFFING money.  We watched him conduct a private session with two women and I was thoroughly impressed with his patience and demeanor while training nugs…I have VERY little patience and I yell a lot … ask the Nicholsons they can confirm…ya know different strokes and all.  Shane was More than 
accommodating to us took us to lunch and tried to get us lost made jokes that we didn’t get and scared me a little when I tried to hug him goodbye…BUT I got a wicked awesome free tank top out of the deal so it was worth it. 


Then things got … complicated.  It SEEMED easy enough.  Let’s go to Trader Joes for road snacks so that Katya doesn’t get irrationally hungry on the trip to Killington…OH in case I forgot to mention…I went to Killington this weekend to run the Spartan Beast, a 12 mile race through the Green Mountains of Vermont as part of the Spartan Chicked Army.  I feel like I should have mentioned that at the beginning…I will get into greater detail on THAT a little later…first things first…let's GET to VT.  OK so what should have been a 3.2 mile drive from CF SBK to the Mecca that is T-Joes turned into a 50 minute crawl through Brooklyn traffic.  It also turned into the catalyst for my cemented decision that I will NEVER live in NYC or any burrow there of…DONE won’t happen don’t ask me again.  Once out of the 7^th layer of hell and back to Mscans pad, we all packed up, loaded up, and headed out.  I told Maurya that I was NOT going to drive until we were out of the city under the guise that IF I were to have to maneuver out of there I would in fact be forced to commit terror and I spend my entire adult life trying to PREVENT terror from occurring so…

So asleep I fell happily in the back seat of the Jetta amongst billowing brown paper T-Joe’s bags filled with bananas, dehydrated green beans, turkey, apples, almonds and granola.  I was a happy napper until I was jolted awake by the sudden slowing speeds of my TDI.  It appeared we had been traveling at the speed of sound for some time and the UpStaties no longer wished to turn a blind eye.  We were forced to the side of the road where all three of us lovely ladies put on our BEST “Oh its only 60mph here…tee hehe we are SOOOO sorry and so VERY cute officer…” HOLY eff it didn’t work not even a little bit.  Thanks to my expired registration and MScans Rearden Metal foot we were instructed to pull to the park and ride, park and no longer ride.  We were told but officer “Doesn’t think we are funny” that id he caught us driving we were donsies.  We had a few moments of panic but Margaret Schlachter being the AMAZABALLS team manager that she is came to our rescue…it just took her 3 hours to make the drive…wha wha whaaaaaa.  SO what did we do you ask? Solicit strangers for a ride to the liqu to purchase coffee and Heinekens…because that’s the best thing to do before a WHORE-id race.  The lovely officer “I was picked on in high school and now wield EVERY ounce of power I have at my will” came and checked on us 4 times.  During this time we ate, drank, were merry, practiced double unders, put on high heels, danced to loud music, sang Con Te Partiro and Jay-Z songs, lip synced to Heats’ “Alone”, cleaned out my car, waved to Officer “I never get blowies”, peed in the woods, bibbed, complained about being bloated, talked about boys, talked about girls, talked about the race, talked about how much we hate NY and waited on our savior.  TBC.