Sunday, September 25, 2011

I JUST Hate Cardio is All

I have to tell you people this is MORE than likely MUCH funnier to me than anyone, but I'm going to make you all read about it anyways.  Do you like how I think that people hang on my every word? It's simply is just NOT possible that you open this link, read four to five words, realize I'm boring and close it. I am under the great delusion that EVERY word is read digested, marinated , absorbed and reflected upon...I SOOOO like myself huh....ANYWAYS to my point.

It was brought to my attention, through a series of events, that I have some REALLY bad habits.  I mean...we all do but mine are kind of bad; not heroine bad, but bad.  I over use the punctuation "..." I do know that's a bad habit but I take a lot of pauses when I speak so in my head, because I type how I speak (people can attest to that) I type out the necessary breaks.  Another bad habit I have is wearing my emotions on my face.  I have been told for years that I do this and up until this day have stood firmly behind the defense that wearing my emotions on my face is actually a good thing.  How else will people know that I am annoyed by them?  How else will people know that I am angry with them?  How else will people know that I am waiting for them to finish doing bicep curls on the squat rack.  This theory was shattered to bit and pieces today. 

I walk on the SM wearing a 50# weighted vest..  Most of you know that.  Those who don't well now you are aware.  It's terrible.  It never gets any easier which is weird.  It always hurts and it takes FOREVER.  Today there was a woman on the SM next to me..well two down from me texting and stepping away.  I people watch to distract myself from physical suck so I watched her and some other women on elliptical and TMs.  When SM chick was done I watched her get down wipe off her machine and trot off to lady land to do whatever ladies do at the gym.  No bigs right?

Later after I had been thoroughly disrespected by my warm up I was talking to a beef brain I had met and he said to me "Not to be rude but can I ask you a question?" (OH how I love things that start out with "not to be rude", "don't get offended",  "this is going to come out wrong",  "we are out of asparagus") "Sure" was my tentative response..."what did that woman in the purple leggings do to make you so angry?" I stopped stunned and confused...I had no idea what he was talking about and explained this to him "the woman on the SM near stared at her when she got off as if you wanted to pull her arms off and feed them to her kids" (ok so he just said I looked like I wanted to rip her arms off but I reserve the right to elaborate for effectiveness)  I explained to him what again has always been my response when people tell me I look angry all the time that:  "It's just what I look like I get it from my dad".  After we were done I thought about it.  I put myself back at the time of her dismount and I had the sudden realization that at that moment I WAS in fact very angry with her.  That skunt was DONE and I was NOT...I realize that I have CONSTANT end time envy when I do cardio stuff.  I have so much disdain for the practice that whenever I watch someone finish up I am completely jealous...but like that CRAZY kind that makes you want to hurt them, and as stated earlier I wear my emotions on my face. 

I would like to express my deepest and sincerest apologies to anyone who thinks or is afraid that I am going to follow them out to their car and break their legs.  That is in fact not at all what is going on in my head...I just hate cardio is all.


  1. 2 reasons why I loved this blog..."lady land" & use of "skunt." I am definitely one of those girls who hangs out in lady land and occasionally dabble on the machines that I confidently know how to operate. I usually avoid the scary zone because I'm sure i will look like a rah-tard reading the directions on the machine and trying to figure out how to adjust the weight to 25 lbs lol! and well "skunt" is just a great word and I was telling a story about the origin of that word just the other night.

    PS - miss you! and love your blog :)

  2. I have seen that face, while climbing the mountains of Vermont. I also love that you write about it with such honesty and clarity and humor that it's all yours. I effing love you. Effing.