Wednesday, July 20, 2011


There are a few things that I am “over” today.  One of them being RFIs but the most prevalent is what I have decided to dedicate this soliloquy to, as it was presented to me in a semi-diatribic (oooh yea making up words on the spot) conversation I had with a person who elicited my advice today.  Things went down like this:
“You have to tell me what it is you eat.  I can’t get a good handle on my diet”
“I would be happy to help you!”
Ask ANY of the chicks in my office and they will tell you that for as long as they were interested ( which was about 3 weeks) I had them fill out a spreadsheet of their daily intake, would make comments and suggestions and while on the plan they all lost weight but then got bored and stopped.
“Eating well is actually a lot simpler than you would think!”
“Well give me some examples of what you eat during the day?”
“I eat frequently during the day small meals consisting of a little protein fibrous not starchy carbs and a small amount of mono or poly unsaturated fats.  For example for lunch yesterday I had some basil baked chicken a few almonds and steamed spinach”
“OH honey I don’t have the time to do all that I just eat what is convenient”
Fully annoyed that I had just wasted 3 minutes of my lunch break I looked at this person and said:
“What exactly is convenient? I have a lot of pens sitting on my desk that are convenient but I’m not going to eat them. It doesn’t seem CONVENIENT to drive to Arby’s and stand in line (our Arby’s doesn’t have a drive through) order something drive all the way back and eat it in your car…”
***look of distaste and mulling verbal attack about to be directed at my face***
“Some of us have home lives, children, a family and priorities and don’t have time to spend hours a day cooking for ourselves so that we have a good meal to take to work.”
Even when said in an attempted jovial manner…this did not sit well in my ears.
***abrupt end of conversation***
So…not ONLY has this person now made me feel bad about myself for being single and childless but they have also made it QUITE apparent to me that people are in fact idiots and have NO idea how to utilize their kitchen facilities in an effective and dynamic manner.  I have timed myself.  I can prepare and ENTIRE meal for two people in less than 15 minutes.  Not some shitty thrown together mess of a meal, but rosemary and balsamic reduced chicken, asparagus, sautéed spinach with heirloom tomatoes, red onions, and spaghetti squash…from scratch (or raw) to plated less than 15 minutes.  It’s not hard.  I find it difficult to believe that gen pop is SO void of creativity…or possibly organization.  I mean you put raw meat in a pan and bake it…you don’t have to stand over a fire and ward off wild life while it cooks you go update your Facebook status or according to this broad like…spend time with your kid.  I am inherently lazy ask ANYONE.  I have a short attention span and do NOT like performing menial housewifery tasks such as cooking and cleaning.  The LAST thing I want to do is spend “hours a day cooking for ourselves” eff off lady don’t ask me for advice if you are going to give me excuses as you why you can’t do what I say.  Now thanks to the time I have wasted trying to educate you on the joys of eating to live forever I will have to switch to lunch option number two: steak, steamed green beans and mushrooms…less than 5 minutes…AT WORK…get out of my face...I'm going to go dead lift something terrible now.


  1. this bish needs to shut her fat hole... I have a 15 month old whining and teething all around me and I find (a little) time to plan my menu.

  2. Yes, Katy, most of the general population are idiots who have no idea how to use their kitchens. Moreover, I would venture that they're AFRAID of the darn things and have no idea how to shop, eat and prepare good, healthy, delicious food for themselves. It drives me crazy especially since it doesn't take all that much to make really good food that's really good for you. I don't get it.

    And yes. That bish needs to shut her fat hole.

  3. Seriously, priorities!! And yes, the bish needs to shut her fat hole and conserve oxygen.

  4. People just don't like to admit that they're lazy. I am. I admit it. But even lazy people can find work-arounds. If you make a decent dinner, you can save some and have a decent lunch... not too hard.

    And after reading the comments above, i feel inclined to say that that bish needs to shut her fat hole. Not sure how I came up with that.